


one day we'll be gone from each other (but not today)

by cold_nights_summer_days



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Astronauts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, I really don't know how to explain what this fic is, Not Canon Compliant, Outer Space, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, but i don't know what, it's something!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:53:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27997065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cold_nights_summer_days/pseuds/cold_nights_summer_days
Summary: inspired by the series Away on Netflix---Being an astronaut has been his dream since he was old enough to have one, and she isn’t going to make him feel guilty for that. Instead, whenever he calls, she tells him that everything is going perfectly fine back here on earth. Then she asks, “How is space?” and Tony always replies with two words.“Absolutely wonderful.”
Relationships: (past), Mary Parker/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33
Collections: Irondad Fic Exchange 2020





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [queenpenthesilea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenpenthesilea/gifts).



> hello all! I hope you've been having a wonderful day, or if you're not, I hope it picks up for you soon <3 
> 
> This is a gift fic for queenpenthesilea as a part of the Irondad fic exchange! I know it's pretty odd, but this idea wouldn't leave my head and I really hope you like it, too. (If not, consider this a gift receipt.) 
> 
> I picked the prompt "Peter Parker is Tony's Stark's Biological Child" 
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Peter is three the first time his dad leaves. It isn’t permanent, of course, but Peter doesn’t know that. All he knows is that he saw his dad one week, and then didn’t see him again for another six months. And now, at fifteen, Peter doesn’t remember this at all. His mother does, though. She remembers him crying every night for months that he wanted to see his dad.

Mary doesn’t tell Tony about this. Being an astronaut has been his dream since he was old enough to have one, and she isn’t going to make him feel guilty for that. Instead, whenever he calls, she tells him that everything is going perfectly fine back here on earth. Then she asks, “How is space?” and Tony always replies with two words.

“Absolutely wonderful.”

Peter is six the next time his dad leaves. This time he understands the concept a little more and is able to participate in the calls that now come twice a week. Peter tells his dad about every detail that he can fit into twenty minutes in the most excited of voices. Mary listens, interjecting every so often, and hopes that Peter understands why his dad isn’t home. He doesn’t as much as she’d like him too, but he’s trying.

“So he’s up there?” Peter asks one summer night when him and Mary are sitting in their backyard. Mary nods, and gives him a strained smile.

“Yep, he’s up there in a place called the International Space Station. Do you know what they do there?”

Peter shakes his head, as Mary expects that he would.

“They do all sorts of scientific experiments. Right now, your dad is helping some of the other astronauts with computer calculations. Isn’t that cool?”

Peter agrees that it is cool, but Mary notices a slight downturn in his tone. She asks him about it, and Peter sighs.

“It’s cool that he does all that stuff, but my birthday is next week, and he won’t be here. All the other kids always have their parents at their birthdays,” He says. Mary pretends it doesn’t sting – she does her best to be enough for him in the six months that Tony is away – but it’s difficult sometimes.

“He wishes he could be here, but you know that he can’t. This is dad’s dream, remember? One day you’ll have your own dreams, and maybe then you’ll understand.”

“What if I never have any dreams like dad does?”

“You will,” Mary assured him. With parents like her and Tony Stark, there was no doubt in her mind that he wouldn’t catch them, either.

By nine years old, Peter does understand. Unfortunately, understanding the concept makes him feel no better. Now he knows to be worried on launch days and landing days and every day in between. When he watches the live videos of his dad doing spacewalks and repairs and experiments, he can’t help but wonder about all the things that could go wrong.

“What if the cable snaps?” Peter asks. Mary shoves down the paranoia and tells Peter that it won’t. It’s made of the strongest material, it won’t snap. Truth is, she doesn’t know that. She just hopes that it’s true.

The next day, he asks her what would happen if the power in the station ran out. Mary questions where he gets these ideas, but Peter shrugs and swiftly changes to another topic of conversation.

When Peter is ten, just days before the quarantine for his dad’s next mission starts, he hears his parents arguing down the hall. It’s late and Peter is supposed to be in bed, but he’s too nervous to sleep this close to the next launch. He doesn’t want to waste any time that he could be spending with his dad. (Truthfully, he’s always taken more to Tony than to Mary. He loves them both of course, but there is no one in his life that could ever replace his dad).

“I think we need to spend some time apart. The counseling isn’t working, and I need a break,” Peter hears his mother say. She sounds sad, but she also sounds tired. Peter will wish later that he hadn’t listened to this conversation, but he doesn’t know that yet.

“I promise after this mission I’ll stay longer and we can try to work this out—”

“That’s what you said last time, Tony. And then you came home, and then you threw yourself into something different. It feels like you’re gone even when you aren’t because your head still seems to be stuck in the stars. It’s mission after mission, and then training exercises, and then it’s business meetings, and it never stops! You can’t sit still, and no one will ever be able to make you!”

“I can’t help some of that stuff, that’s why we moved here, that way I could still do everything and have a family,” His dad replies. Peter frowns, because he knows this won’t end well, even if he doesn’t know why.

“We aren’t some puzzle piece to fit in your schedule. Peter needs his father to be around! You know I love you, and I want to support your dream, Tony, but I can’t do it anymore. I hate putting Peter to bed every night and having him ask me where you are. It makes me feel so damn guilty, and I don’t even know why, because if anyone should be guilty here it isn’t me.”

“We’ve explained to him that I can’t be there every night because of work—”

“You can’t be there, or you don’t want to be there?” Mary cuts in. Peter flinches against the door. 

“Don’t pull that card, Mary. That isn’t fair.”

“I don’t think you want to start an argument about what’s fair and what isn’t fair with me. I don’t want to make you choose between what you love and who you love, but if you can’t find a way to balance it, then you might have to. The choice is yours, but don’t expect me to wait years and years until you figure it out.”

Peter doesn’t hear anything else except the jingle of car keys and the shutting of the front door. He quickly jumps back in bed and pretends to be asleep in case someone decides to check on him, but his bedroom door never opens.

The last time his dad leaves, Peter is twelve. Mary has moved out, and Peter spends most of his time with her. Tony drops in when he has free time, and Peter pretends to understand why his dad keeps himself so busy. When he finds it difficult, he remembers what his mom told him all those years ago. _This is dad’s dream, remember?_

(Sometimes he wonders if she still remembers that. After that conversation, it doesn't seem like it.)

Peter doesn’t want to ruin his dad’s dream. When he sees pictures or interviews from the ISS, his dad looks happy. Peter doesn’t really remember a time when he looked like that at home, but he figures that it might just be that he’s tired all the time from training exercises and business meetings and all the other things that go along with being an adult .

Even though Peter doesn’t want to ruin his dream, he can’t help but feel like he is. He watches the press conference that his dad gives when he comes back from space that December. Tony Stark tells the world that he’s not going on any more missions, and he’s transferring the company to his assistant. The world thinks he’s crazy, but he tells him that he needs to change his priorities and spend more time with his kid.

Peter knows he should be excited, but all he feels is sad. What if it turned out that he wasn’t worth it?

Mary doesn’t feel the same. That night, Peter hears her talking to her boyfriend on the phone. Peter has never met the guy, and is partly convinced that he isn’t supposed to know.

“I’m a little shocked, honestly, that it only took him two years. I just hope that he isn’t going to disappoint Peter. If he decides in six months that he doesn’t like being a full-time parent, it’s going to crush him.”

Peter starts spending more time with his dad. Sometimes the conversations are stilted and neither know what to say, but they get through it. Mary gets a job offer in New York, and since Tony doesn’t do much with NASA anymore, they agree to move. They get apartments in the same building to make it easier for Peter to go between, but Peter hates it.

He doesn’t like New York at all. The winters are too cold, and there’s too much traffic, and he thinks the city itself is ugly. It’s all concrete and glass and light pollution. They no longer have a backyard – although they do have a balcony – but Peter doesn’t spend much time on it because he doesn’t like staring at the apartment building across from them.

He wishes they had never left Texas. Most of his friends had promised to write, or email, or text, and none of them have said so much as hello in the three weeks since Peter left. Peter’s thought about messaging them first, but he doesn’t want to end up talking about home. It’ll just make him miss it more.

Eventually, Peter gets used to living in New York. He makes new friends – or, one new friend—named Ned. They share almost all the same classes, which Peter considers a blessing, because it means that Peter doesn’t have to talk to anyone else.

(It’s not that Peter hates people. He doesn’t. It’s that everyone else only wants to talk to him because his parents are famous, or because they want to know what being an astronaut is like. Peter never understands why they ask him that question. It’s not like he’s the one who goes to space.)

Ned is incredibly nice and seems to be one of the only people actually interested in _him_. The two hang out quite often, but mostly at Ned’s house. Ned lives more out in the suburbs, and Peter likes not being in the heart of the city all the time.

Aside from all that, Peter gets used to living in New York because he knows they won’t be leaving any time soon (no matter how many times he’s wished on a star that they would). His mother gets promoted at her job, and his dad starts construction on a new business headquarters. Peter thinks that if he can trick himself into thinking that he likes it here, eventually he will.

Peter is fourteen, now. He and his dad are closer. Every once in a while, when Peter sees an article or a picture of when his dad was on the space station, he’s reminded of how much he gave up. Peter wonders, sometimes, how he did it. He wonders how his dad, who’d he’d never seen as anything less than passionate, could give up on his dream like that. Almost like it was nothing.

_Would I be able to do that?_

When Peter is fifteen, his dad might leave again.

(But he doesn’t know that yet.)


	2. Main Story (because I can't title things)

“I’m home,” Peter calls out into the apartment, slipping his shoes off by the door and hanging up his jacket. It’s only late September, but it’s too chilly for his liking.

He receives no answer, and assumes his dad isn’t home from work yet. Sometimes he stays late when there’s a problem that needed solving, but he tried to avoid doing it on nights that Peter was staying with him.

Instead of doing the chemistry homework that’s waiting to be finished, Peter pulls out a book to read instead. He just picked it up from the bookstore today, and since it was Friday, it wasn’t like he had to do his homework until Sunday.

Settling into the couch with a blanket and his new book, Peter waits. When his dad still isn’t home by dark, he considers calling. He doesn’t want to be bothersome (which no matter how many times anyone told him he wasn’t, he didn’t believe), but he also doesn’t want to spend the entire evening alone.

(Although staying here alone might be better than going back to his mother’s apartment. Ever since Richard – his soon to be step-dad – moved in, he didn’t really want to be there. It’s not that Richard is a bad guy, but sometimes he gets frustrated over the stupidest things and Peter isn’t feeling up to arguing about how to load the dishwasher again.)

In the end, he decides to call.  
,   
_“Hey, what’s up, kiddo?”_ Tony says, answering on the fourth ring.

“I was wondering what time you were going to be home. It’s already seven.”

_“Oh,”_ He sounds distracted. _“I’ll be home soon. No later than seven thirty.”_

“Okay. I love you,” Peter figures he’s just working on a big project.

_“Love you too and I’ll see you soon.”_

Without considering it further, Peter returns to his book. It’s only Friday night, anyways, and a few lost hours isn’t the end of the world.

Tony gets home at seven thirty on the dot. It’s almost a miracle that he makes it home in one piece considering his mind was anywhere but on the road. He couldn’t believe that his first email from his old boss in almost six years was one recommending him for a NASA mission.

(And not just any mission. The first manned mission to Mars. Mission Ares.)

Fury told him that he had two months to make the decision. The mission itself was three years long, and it was set to launch July of next year.

Tony knew that he should just tell Fury no. He couldn’t leave for three years. Mary would never forgive him. Peter would be all grown up by the time he got back.

(That’s the kicker. His family will have moved on by the time he gets back. Mary will have married Richard, and Peter would be in college, and they wouldn’t need him anymore.)

But even still, he didn’t tell Fury no. He didn’t say yes, of course, but he didn’t say no right off the bat. He couldn’t. It’s Mars. It’s his dream.

Tony had lied and told everyone that he was done with space – that he was going to stay on the ground. He said that space just wasn’t his dream anymore. That couldn’t have been any further from the truth. Space is still his dream. When Mary posed that question – “ _It’s the missions or it’s us, Tony. You can’t have both._ ” – he felt himself breaking. 

Mary made him choose between his life’s work and his son. Every day, Tony wakes up hoping that he’s made the right choice. Until now, it was easy to figure out. He doesn’t know what to do, and instead tries not to think about it. 

(He fails miserably at that, and Peter notices.)

“How was work?” Peter asks him while they’re eating dinner. A movie is playing quietly in the background, but Tony hasn’t paid attention to it since the opening credits. He isn’t even sure what it’s about, quite honestly .

“It was fine,” Tony answers. Work was absolutely not fine, because Fury emailed him at work, and didn’t get anything done after that. “Just the usual. R&D was having some issues with a new system so I had to help with that tonight. How was school?”

“It was pretty good, actually. We had a group presentation in English today that I think I did pretty well on.”

“That’s good. I’m sorry I forgot to tell you I was going to be home late today,” Tony apologizes. Peter shrugs like it’s not a big deal. Maybe to him it isn’t, and in light of the new decision Tony has to make, that isn’t exactly great.

“It’s okay. It was nice to read for a bit without Richard bothering me about something.”

“Does he bother you often?” Tony didn’t often ask questions about Richard or Mary, he’s concerned. He doesn’t want Peter to feel uncomfortable in his own home.

“Kind of? I don’t know. It’s never about anything big, but sometimes it feels like I can’t even get through my homework without him bothering me about something. It’s just annoying, you know?”

Tony nods. Neither of them was a huge fan of Richard, but he made Mary happy. Richard seems to be everything Mary had wanted.

_(That I couldn’t be.)_

Two weeks pass, and Peter is still worried about his dad. He always seems distracted, and worried, and Peter hasn’t been able to figure out what about yet. He considers just outright asking, but he knows that that isn’t going to get him anywhere.

They were usually pretty open about things, which is what made Peter worry even more. Was he sick? Was someone they knew sick? Did they have to move again? (Peter wouldn’t be as upset about that last one. Especially if it was back to Texas.)

Peter tries causally mentioning it to his mom one morning before school, but she doesn’t know either. His parents don’t talk much if it’s not about him, so it’s not too surprising.

“It might just be something with work,” Richard chimes in during the conversation, and Peter does his best to not seem annoyed. _Yeah, Richard, like I haven’t already considered that._

On the third week, Peter can hardly take it. His mind is coming up with so many bad scenarios of what the issue could possibly be, and it’s resulted in a multitude of unnecessary anxiety. So, next time he’s with his dad for the weekend, he decides to skip past the pleasantries and ask what’s been bothering him. The answer is not at all what he expects.

“NASA wants me to do another mission,” He tells Peter honestly. He was planning to tell him at some point – three of his eight decision making weeks have already evaporated – and Peter deserves to know. Tony knows that he hasn’t been the best the last few weeks.

Peter doesn’t seem, well, _anything._ Usually, Tony can read his kid like an open book. He knows when he’s had a bad day just by the way he walks in the apartment. But apparently not today, because Peter keeps his expression carefully blank.

“Oh. I thought it was going to be something worse. Like you were sick or something,” Peter says back. “Is it another mission back to the space station? Or are they planning to start another moon mission?”

“It’s – it’s more than that. It wouldn’t be a six month space station trip. Fury wants me to lead the new expedition. To Mars.”

This time, Tony is sure that Peter will show some sort of emotion, but he doesn’t. When did Peter get so good at hiding this stuff?

“What did you tell him?”

“I haven’t told him anything yet, but—”

“You have to go,” Peter says it like it’s such a sure thing. Like it’s the most obvious thing in the world to him. Maybe it is. It’s not to Tony. The answer to this problem is not obvious to him at all.

“You have to go,” Peter tells his dad. Peter knows, or at least assumes, that the next words out of his mouth were going to be, _“But I’m going to tell him no.”_

Peter is finding it difficult to keep all his emotions just below the surface right now. It hurts.

“What do you mean? It’s a three-year mission. I would—I would miss everything. I’d miss your sixteenth birthday, and your graduation, and your first day of college.”

And Tony doesn’t add this last part, but he thinks, _“You won’t even need me by the time I get back. You’ll have moved on and started a whole different life that I won’t be a part of.”_

“So? You can’t not go, dad. It’s . . . It’s Mars! An expedition to Mars, that you would be leading. Isn’t that what you want?”

_Is that what I want?_

That’s what he’s been trying to figure out this entire time. Is this what he wants? Six or seven years ago, the answer would have been yes. Wholeheartedly, without a doubt, yes. But it’s different now. He’s different now.

“This is your _dream_ ,” Peter adds on.

“Maybe six years ago it was, but I don’t think it is anymore.” Tony surprises himself with this realization. His priorities are different now. (If his nineteen-year-old self was here to witness this, he might possibly kill him.) “I don’t want to miss things anymore. I quit doing that a long time ago, and I’m not starting it back up again.”

Peter is touched, really, but also guilty. He knows that he was the reason that his dad gave this all up in the first place, and it just feels so wrong. Peter feels like he’s the one standing in the way.

“I don’t want to be the one holding you back,” Peter says. Some of the things he’s feeling – guilty, upset, worried – slip to the surface. “I wouldn’t be mad if you went. I don’t think Mom would be either. We understand.”

“You wouldn’t be. You’re _not_. I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s not that I don’t want to go on the expedition – it would be cool, actually— it’s that I don’t want to leave you. I’m okay with missing out on Mars if it means that I’m not missing out on you.”

Peter didn’t know what to say. What does one say to that?

“Oh,” Is what he comes up with.

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re ruining anything for me because you’re not. You’re my kid, _I love you_ , and I don’t want you to forget that.”

“I love you too.” Peter lets the tears that he hadn’t realized had been building fall. “And I didn’t actually want you to leave. I just didn’t want you to feel bad about wanting to go.”

Peter feels that adding this on is important. (Hint: it is.)

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts on this odd little thing! I hope you all have a lovely day/week/month until I see you again!
> 
> (the next chapter will be just after this one, in case you're here super early :)


End file.
